THE TRANSFORMATION

Versi web  |  Perbarui pengaturan  |  Berhenti berlangganan Suka Tweet Teruskan http://spirituallife333.blogspot.com The Invisible Member Makes Another Appearance :) Posted by Carolyn on 8 December, 2012 My last post was about my daughter and her illness several months back.  I was fortunate enough to be able to go out on Family Leave, which is Law in the state of New York. In other words they could not say no LOL ! I was also fortunate enough to be able to collect my vacation and sick time and any holiday time while I was home. I took the entire leave because in the beginning I was going to the doctor alot with my daughter and once she was well enough on her own to go on her own. I decided I needed some rest and also re-direction. I had been working for the last five years in a local non-profit. I loved those I took care of, they are truly God's Angels, but, the job had become so physically hard. With budget cuts from the state and the companies financial measures and cuts in staffing due to those state budget cuts; Many times instead of a staff of 3 to take care of 12, we had two. I was totally exhausted in every way possible . I would go home tired, aching and mentally and bodily fatigued. I also felt I was losing my mind. Ironically, my last day before my vacation, I drove home shaking my fist at the skies above my car. I can remember driving acroos the huge bridge that spans over the highway I drove  over daily on my way home. I was saying God, I cannot take another day like this one, I cannot do this anymore, I am tired and I do not want to have to work so hard, I deserve more, I demand more ! Little did I know how those words, those actions, would change my life. I got home and I walked into my backyard and I dropped to my knees in the grass and I said .. "I surrender Lord, I surrender, I cannot do this anymore. I cried for a long time. My dogs who had come outside with me had surrounded me tails wagging and kissing my face. I sat down in the hammock and I layed back and felt the sun on my face and I was surrounded by peace. I felt calm, yet a strange foreboding. How dare I shake my fists at the sky. How dare I tell God, the Universe, whatever it is what I wanted because in a way that was something foreign to me. Yet, I had been told by my Ministry teacher to simply surrender and I did. I was grateful though, I was on a much needed vacation and I could finally rest and rest I did ! .. Thank God I did .... Within a week, the outcome of my begging for change had become clear, with my daughter in the hospital it was evident to me that in some oddball way, God had heard me. I had no choice but to not be able to go to work, I needed to take care of my child. The saying God works in mysterious ways was demonstrated to me in the realest sense. I was living that statement with each breath. My daughter came home and she stayed with her Step father and I at our home. She was tired and worn out, her life was forever altered, her husband would spend nights with her at our home and when he could not because of his schedule he was here each day visiting and caring for her also. She steadily got better, her life has gone through such a profound change. I didn't think about any of it really, I simply put one foot in front of the other and kept going. I did take time to go through things in the basement that were no longer needed and to use my time home wisely. You see, while working such a physically and emotionally demanding job, I would often come home and take the dogs outside and simply BE. I had to recharge each day so I could get through the next day I would be in bed by 8:30 or 9pm so I could be up by 6 am to go through it all again. The weekends would come and I would really enjoy saturday and dread Sunday because it would again mean conserving energy to be ready for the grueling week ahead. SO here I was home, running my daughter to doctors and helping her help herself and on the go . But - I was also able to rest and re-group which was in my eyes and mind such a gift.  I never for one minute, felt guilty that it was seemingly as the expense of my daughter, because in reality it was not .. I knew that when I shook my fist at the sky and surrendered, I had moved heaven and earth somehow, my daughter had been doing her own shaking her fist for years. Our actions and inactions had culminated in significant changes occuring in our lives.   My daughter as ill as she was in that hospital bed, began to truly blossom for the first time in many years. I know when she was asleep, she was surrounded by so much love and healing. I know that as much as her body was sick and weak, she was receiving the information she needed to survive, she was in a place of great care and expertise and she knew she had been given a second chance on living, she knew it from the moment she woke up and was coherent. She told me so herself. I knew it to be true for her also and not only for her but for myself as well. As the weeks of her recovery passed, I knew with each day I did not wish to return to my job. I also knew how important my salary is to our financial situation and I was blessed to have a partner who, although frightened by the prospect of a lot less money coming in, was patient enough to go with my decision to stay out the entire 12 weeks. My daughter did need me and it would have been physically and mentally exhausting to return to work, with medical issues of my own, I simply could not do it. Time passed and my daughter returned to her home wanting to do things for herself and let's face it she wanted to be in her own home. It was a strange transition for me, I had gone from being full time mommy to part time mommy and had some time on my hands. I did my best to use the time wisely. In the forefront of my mind was the nagging sensation and worry that I really did not want to go back to 'that job' but money was such a concern. I placed adds online for senior care, I looked for work here and there, I used to talk to God and the Universe saying what I would like to do etc .. LOL ! I considered my talents and I sent out resumes and applied to some places. In the midst of it all of this, God dealt us Hurricane Sandy. The saturday, as the Hurricane  was cranking it's way north, I was watching the local news channel online on their website and as I was reading the page and watching the video feed, I noticed for the first time ever, a classified section. Countless times I have been on that same website and never once noticed classifieds . SO I clicked. I immediately found an opening at the local public school. I immediately updated my resume and told my Other half we needed to go out because I had to fax my resume to the school, so we went and I did. I just didn't think about it after that for a long time. We were too busy ! A few weeks went by and my deadline for my return to work was closing in on me, I was depressed and felt defeated, all my old anxiety was returning because I knew that where I had been working was no longer where I wished to be. I was a nervous wreck, I had so many emotions swirling and churning throughout my body. My emotions at a fever pitch I called a wonderful friend who was also a reiki practioner and a very wise woman. While speaking with me, she graciously allowed me to just talk and to say all I needed to say, she let me tell her all that was bothering me and I was I have to say a little more than crazy, I was truly in a panic in many ways. I had been in a funk about work and was in a panic about money and finances and looking down the barrel of that job that I really was too tired to do any longer. We talked and I let out all my feelings and she listened and redirected when she needed to. I left the conversation with her offering me a Reiki session for the following Monday. Just by her allowing me to simply talk, I was already feeling so much better.   You know when you are a Minister and Healing practioner, people are always coming to you with their issues. I always oblige people and listen and counsel when I have the time. I really had needed to be able to confide in someone and have them simply listen and she did and it was such a gift that I so badly needed ! She had insisted that I meditate daily and she was also sending me Abraham Hicks videos to watch and listen to, which I must admit were quite effective in re-directing my stinkin' thinkin' After our talk, I recieved a check that I had not been expecting from a place that was a surprise and I was completely grateful to receive it. I also got a phone call about the totally forgotten about resume I had sent before the hurricane asking me to come in for an interview for the school position...... I felt the shift inside my body and in my heart and mind immediately. A profound healing had taken place and allowed that place to form inside for some things to come in and fill up that space. I called my friend and she was thrilled and said "See you meditated and look what came in, money and a job interview .. " I went for my Reiki treament and felt wonderful afterwards. I continued to do my daily meditation and listening to Abraham Hicks videos which are readily available on Youtube. I do it all daily, It is part of my routine along with prayers, it is what I do for myself. It is my act of loving myself and my family and my home and my responsibilities. I went for the interview and I was offered the job right away, the decision was mine to make and I could start almost immediately. I was grinning like a fool as I walked out the door. I took the job offer one hour after I got home. The money was a bit less than what I was making at my old job, but it is 5 minutes from my home and It is a school year calendar with summers off . So far it is all new, but I am enjoying myself with the children who are beautiful. This week I rode in the school bus to rehearsal for the holiday concert, I got to hear them sing and and play their instruments. I put books away in the school library. I am learning about math and reading and science and music and art . I have a lunch break, something unheard of at my other job. ( I did stay on there as a fill in, but in my heart, I know there is no going back, once I am settled in where I am, I will most likely resign.)   Where I am now everyone says Good Morning and Hello and have been so welcoming and helpful.I get to wear nice clothes now to work where I used to wear worn out clothes and nothing special because I always got sweaty and dirty. I get to feel Human again ! I have that sense of belonging and being where I am appreciated and I realize it is because it is where God and the Universe knew I needed to be. I surrendered and I was brought to the place I belong. I love to be with people and I love to learn and love the music and the books and I love children - what better place for me to be. One of the best things ... this week I actually stopped by my daughter's home after work, something in my old job I never ever had the energy to do. After going to visit I stopped to get some beads and went home and made myself a nice bracelet, something else I would have never had the energy to do. One of the other things that is wonderful is that I will have energy to consider creating another stream of income to help us catch up from me being home. Had I gone back to the old job, that would not have been a possibility. I feel like the world has again become my oyster so to speak. I have many ideas for many things I wish to accomplish and I pray I am able to. I am once again comfortable in my shoes and I am happy to say the future is looking bright for me and my family. My daughter is doing very well despite her physical issues, she is happier than I have ever seen her and with my recent turn around I am happier too. I am truly humbled by the wonderful opportunities the universe has to offer us all once we open our hearts and minds to all the possibilites that surround us. All we need to do is ask and receive... it is a Beautiful thing ! Love and Hugs and Thanks ! Carolyn  Sortir langganan anda | Berhenti berlangganan

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